Just the Three of Us


to survive the years of my life, i have put together a few different me's. one to deal, one to feel, and one to move the whole gang forward. it's tiring being these. yet, it allowed me to get to here. i think that the new deal is this: one luke to move this whole tangerine-mess forward - one person, unified, and singularly directional. otherwise, i am just spread thin, doing myself no good. 

nib and ink - borden & riley paper

True North


while time is going by, my mind is still so connected to stimpy. sounds will grab me and make me think that i hear him; or i'll wake up from sleep, go out to where his bed used to be, and he isn't there. just gone. yet, i hear him in my head, saying things to me in this calm, but important voice, speaking of things that only my closest friend would know.

brush pen - colored pencil - sketchbook

Sadness


thinking that i could succeed at fixing their sadness destroyed me. failure was the only option. but, in the park, on that octopus swing, i thought i could. i just had to try harder - be more. this set into motion the next thirty years of my life. and today i am not quite sure what to do with all of this space.

nib and ink - borden & riley paper

Bottoms Up


it felt like falling, up. in a lot of ways, discovering all the bits and pieces of me has been so heavy, sinking to the bottom. then, the weightlessness began, which was confusing and freeing. surprising even. a lighter luke to roam and play and be. to float. and i like it a lot. yet, i wonder: how many more pounds of hidden weight lie lurking. just how much more me can i let free.

nib and ink - colored pencil - borden and riley

The Infinite


i just soaked myself four days straight in a hot springs in oregon. it was like parts of me just melted off like sheets of human form. and then, later, in the river to cool off, i saw the most amazing little blankets of beings. insects that had left their old skin and were off inhabiting new skin and new locations, dreaming and being, the same but new. and i decided that is what i was doing - shedding the old, embracing the new.

nib and ink - borden and riley paper

Untitled


untitled, mis-shapen, rough on the edges, un-defined, and abstract - all from loss. his little sounds, the way he would look up at me, as if he could read my mind and thoughts. 'let's cuddle' he'd say or 'it's about time to eat wouldn't you say'. and he was right. always. that guidance and, therefore, purpose kept me in motion even at my most motionless, reminding me that there is this whole, huge world out there.

brush pens - sketchbook - more feels

Sometimes, This Is All You Have


i lost my dog this week. he provided a connection to the world, a way through that i struggled to find on my own - just given every day, by him, to me, unconditionally. and loss is a terrible creature. i miss you, stimpy.

brush pens - sketchbook - and feelings

What It Feels Like


as i have been going through my physical things, sorting out what matters, what to keep, and what to let go i have been doing the same thing with my emotional world. the tapes that are in my head. and i love how art allows me to capture pieces of them, in still form, in ink. as though to say: i see you and you see me.


ink - borden and riley paper

Unsung


in the beginning, i was hopeful that i might feel a little better once i started to unfold the parts of me that i was scared to enter. and then the whole thing got out of control; i wasn't sure anymore if it was me pushing along or if i had created my own momentum and was subject to its needs. either way, ten years later, i am becoming little bits more and more of all that i wondered if i could be.

brush pen - sketchbook

You & Me


someday, it will be said that we were one of the greatest things in the world, untouchable, and free. until then, we do today and tomorrow for the sake of proving to ourselves that these days and this life is worth fighting for. thanks for being my partner in the ring, speaking up from the scary places inside of you, and just being cool - you make the ride so much more exciting.

nib and ink - borden and riley #234